Two brothers

Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbours, and led an exemplary life.

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities.


One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy after life. One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven."

God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."

"I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and wish I could see him again."
"You can see him if you wish", God said "I will give you power to gaze into hell."

So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell.

Before long he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of beer, and in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.

The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing. I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell cannot be that bad."

God explained. "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it. The blonde doesn't."

The Rock meme jokes

Another classic

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions. The husband turned to his wife and said, Honey, thats a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

 She said: Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.

Car analogy

The daughter asks her father, "Dad, there’s something that my boyfriend said to me that I didn't understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely air bags and a fantastic bumper."

Her Dad replied, "You tell your boyfriend that, if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his lug nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe."