Posts
Prostate - Milking vs Orgasm
8 years ago
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Duck camp
Four guys have been going to the same duck camp for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts her foot down andtells him he isn't going.
Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday.
Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind meand put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles androse petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said, "Do what ever you want."
So, Here I am.
Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts her foot down andtells him he isn't going.
Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday.
Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind meand put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles androse petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said, "Do what ever you want."
So, Here I am.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Misogynist humor (I apologize in advance)
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Wha t are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why did God create woman ?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
I married a Miss Right.I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by90%...It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men..until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, andstill think they are sexy.
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Wha t are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why did God create woman ?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
I married a Miss Right.I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by90%...It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men..until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, andstill think they are sexy.
Pickup line
A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
'No', he replies,
'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..'
The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?'
'What's so special about it?'
The cowboy explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?
'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.
'The woman giggles and replies 'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says,
'Damn thing's an hour fast.'
The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
'No', he replies,
'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..'
The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?'
'What's so special about it?'
The cowboy explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?
'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.
'The woman giggles and replies 'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says,
'Damn thing's an hour fast.'
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Deaf sex
Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.
She writes a note to her husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. I f you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times.
The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife That if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.
She writes a note to her husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. I f you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times.
The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife That if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
