Yeah, it's Friday

Getting home safe. . .

A new way to avoid any .08 alcohol issues while driving.

I went out with some friends and tied one on. Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before.

I took the bus home.

I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising as I have NEVER DRIVEN a bus before.

Great golf advice from an Irish caddy

A Golfer has been slicing off the tee on every hole. He asks his Irish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies: "Aye, there's a piece of shit on the end of your driver."

The Golfer picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says: "No, the other end."

Dinner date



A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.

I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.

She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster Patron. Champagne.

I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?"

"No," she replied. "but my mother's not expecting a blow job tonight."

I said "Would you care for dessert?"