IRISH Humour

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. 

After 3 hours of involvement, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".


Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says "You know what I want, don't you?"

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed, by the looks of it!"


Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!" Paddy says "What's his name?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London!" 

Fear in California!

In the wake of Bin Laden's death, radical Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in Los Angeles, killing anyone who is a legal U.S. citizen.

Police fear the death toll could be as high as 23

NAG, NAG, NAG...

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him  about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in  the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay  of execution after all.  Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU  EVER STOP?!' 

Clint Eastwood's Birthday



It was Clint Eastwood’s birthday last week

and to celebrate a few of his friends got together and

organised a sky writerto put a message above the

Hollywood sign.I don’t think it worked out the

way they wanted it to   …

History of the Condom

In 1272, the Arabic Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

May I have this dance?

A Muslim couple, preparing for their wedding, meet the Mullah for counseling.

The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

The man asks, "We realize it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together."

"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately."

"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"

"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam."

"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"

"Of course!" replies the Mullah, "Sex is OK with in marriage, to have children!"

"What about different positions?" asks the man.

"No problem," says the Mullah.

"Woman on top?" the man asks.

"Sure," says the Mullah. "Go for it!"

"Doggy style?"

"Sure!"

"On the kitchen table?"

"Yes, yes!"

"Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"

"You may indeed!"

"Can we do it standing up?"

"No." says the Mullah."

"Why not?" asks the man.

"It could lead to dancing."

Triumph visits OWS

Deductive reasoning

If sex with 3 people is called a threesome,...

And sex with 2 people is a twosome,...

Now...

I understand why they call you handsome.

Letter to Dr. Phil

Dear Dr. Phil,

I was watching my next door neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window.

As I was pleasuring myself I turned to notice my wife just standing there, arms folded ... watching me.

Is she a pervert?