Parrot on a plane

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him. As the aircraft takes off , a pretty flight attendant (FA) walks down the aisle past the man and his seatmate.

 

'Hey, bitch', says the parrot, 'bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!'

 

The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again: 'God damn it, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up!'

 

Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot's drink.

 

Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself. 'Hey, slut, ' says the man, 'get me a dry martini and don't drag your sorry ass - I want it right now! '

 

The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants.

 

The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000 feet.

 

As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, ‘Ya know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls.'

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DOROTHY & EDNA

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.

Dorothy:  "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.  I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna:  "Well,  I'll tell you.  He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 pm, dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!  Then he takes me downstairs.  And what's there; a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.  Then he takes me out for dinner; a marvelous dinner, lobster, champagne, dessert and after-dinner drinks.

Then we go see a show. Let me tell you Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!

 

So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. ... Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me three times!"

Dorothy:  "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't  go?"

Edna:  "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

Welcome To The 21st Century

*Our Phones ~ Wireless

*Cooking ~ Fireless

*Cars ~ Keyless

*Food ~ Fatless

*Tires ~ Tubeless

*Dress ~ Sleeveless

*Youth ~ Jobless

*Leaders ~ Shameless

*Relationships ~ Meaningless

*Attitude ~ Careless

*Wives ~ Fearless

*Babies ~ Fatherless

*Feelings ~ Heartless

*Education ~ Valueless

*Children ~ Mannerless

In fact we are ~ Speechless

Our Congress is CLUELESS!!

Our President is WORTHLESS!!