Good news first

The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon: "I have some good news and, I have some bad news”.

The tycoon replies: "I’ve had an awful day, let's hear the good news first”.

The lawyer says:  “Your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures today that she figures are worth a minimum of $2 million”.

The tycoon replies enthusiastically:  “Well done, very good news indeed!  You've just made my day; now what’s the bad news?”

The lawyer answers:  “The pictures are of you screwing your secretary”.

The kite

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife is watching from the kitchen window, Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.


She opens the window and yelled to me, 'You need a piece of tail.'


I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back, Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

Promotion

A love story for golfers

 

A couple w​ere having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table,took his wife's hand in his and said, "Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Beth replied, "Well Charles, I have to be honest with you.  Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 30 years, but always for a good reason."

Charles was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?"

Beth said,"The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Charles recalled the visit to the banker and said,
"I can forgive you for that.  You saved our home,
but what about the second time?" Charles said.

"And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed?  Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," says Chuck.  "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

"All right," Beth said.  "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"