Post surgery question

You'll be fine," the Doctor said after finishing the young Woman's surgery.


But, she asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor?"


The Surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye. 


The girl was alarmed.  "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"


He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.


It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

Job

Prostate exam

After my Prostate Exam, and the Doctor left, the nurse came in.

 

As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....

 

She said...."Who Was That?"

The life of man

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency. She was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I'm older and wiser now, and I'm looking for a girl with big tits

Erectile dysfunction

The doctor took the husband in first. The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.


He checked his blood pressure and other things then said he was going to check with the wife.


He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe.  Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly. She did as instructed. He then told her to turn all the way around in the other direction. Then he said - "Ok, good - you can get dressed now, and I will talk to your husband".


The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, "Well, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. I couldn't get an erection either"

Jane Austen quote

CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE

Design flaw

A lesson for men

This is from Marc Griffin, a freelance outdoor writer from Arkansas:

 Before I get started, I warn you now, there is no easy way for a man nearing 50 to impart wisdom learned onto the next generation. Still, as my father and grandfather did, I look at it as almost a duty, a carrying on of generations, if you will. As such, this story may be long, for there is no short way to teach.

About 2 months ago my nuts started hurting me. It wasn't a sudden pain, just a gradual idea that my nuts hurt. Not a sharp pain, just a dull, continuous, ache. Being a man who believes in the wonders of modern medicine, I needed a doctor.

Now, I don't know if you ever googled "nut pain" but, I can tell you now, only about half of the search is related to medicine and doctors. The rest, the best I can tell, is related to walnuts, or chesnuts, or crazy people.

It turns out that I needed a gastro doctor, because apparently your nuts are somehow connected to your stomach.....go figure.....this whole thing is becoming a learning experience.

In order to spare you the details of a man grabbing my sack, let me just skip to telling you that I was diagnosed with hernias, s being the most important letter of that particluar word in this specific case. Yes, hernias, one on each side, which has, the best I can tell when I cough, caused my balls to get sucked up into my stomach, which must be why I needed a gastro doctor to begin with. Again, the things a man can learn just by living long enough.

At this point, the story gets a bit personal, but it must be told. The doc asks me if I ever had any trouble with my "testicals". I hate that word, it's like calling poontang a vagina, and was probably invented for people who didn't want to talk about the subject to begin with, so they made up a word nobody wanted to say. Anyway, it turns out that I did, as a kid, have a problem with my left, uh.........nut. From what I can remember of a child of 8 or 9, that sucker didn't want to come down into the world with the right one. It stayed hid up wherever nuts come from.

Now, I can't remember the exact content of the conversation between my dad and the doc back then, but the jist of it was that the doc said that if they did not fix the hung up ball, I would most likely never have kids and was a great risk of.....uh......testicular cancer. The rest of the conversation surrounded the procedure, which included tying a string to my ball, and then pulling it down, and tying the other end of the string to my leg so that the unruly nut could be trained to stay with his partner.

Of course, being only 8 or 9, I didn't understand all of the terminology, but it was pretty damn clear, even at my tender age, that having one of your balls tied to your leg didn't seem like something a boy could just run around with without tearing his nut off, or at the very least, a chunk of his leg. I can vividly remember watching my dad mull the whole thing over in his mind, before he said something along the line of, "we'll go with no kids and cancer, thanks."

It turned out, my wayward ball found his way home, at least partially, but I never really gave it much thought. If you think about it, a fella don't begin scratching and adjusting his balls until he's a grown man. I can't say I ever missed that thing, and didn't even realize it worked things out on it's own until I was old enough to barely remember it not being there. Besides, I went on to father 5 children so it never became part of a discussion again, until this damn gastro doctor brought it up.

Now, I can't say I was really paying attention to the next thing the doc told me, because after a man grabs your nuts, makes you cough, and then puts his finger up next to those suckers until your eyes are about to pop out, your mind just shuts down. Apparently, your balls are connected to your stomach, but then they run straight into your eyeballs and into your brain. Who knew?

He said something about checking for cancer, and an ultrasound. I said, "huh?". He said, "I'll set you up for a testicular ultrasound before we talk about surgery, to make sure there are no issues we can't see." I can honestly say, without hestitation, that testicular ultrasound are two words I didn't even know you could put together. That's something you expect to read in a headline in the morning paper, something like, The Israeli's are massing troops on the border after learning that Iran has a secret testicular ultrasound plant. "Uh.........how's that go?" He explained that it was like an x-ray, only it gave a real time 3 dimensional picture of what your balls look like. Whatever.

The doc says, "you may want to shave your groin area, it'll save some time when you go in for the appointment with the ultrasound tech." Well hell, my day is just getting better and better. The Best I can figure when I leave there is that my nuts are in my stomach, they may be ate up with cancer, and now they need to suffer the indignation of being hairless. Yes, I've heard that some of you younger dudes shave your nuts.....that's great....you're stupid. I can prove you're stupid because I shaved mine 2 days before the ultrasound, and by day two it felt like a porcupine had taken up residence in my shorts. Why anyone would do that to themselves for the hell of it I don't know, and don't tell me that the women like it.....who gives a fork what they like. Which, unfortunately, brings me to the lesson part of this story.

I go to the "imaging center" with my shaved balls, which are not really shaved because they now reside in my stomach, just behind my eyeballs.

I go through registration and eventually get taken to the exam room, where I sit, waiting..........waiting.........waiting.....until , in walks Carla. Long dark hair and about 30 years old, not a knock out, but a fairly good looking gal. I figure she's gonna ask me some more questions and then the tech dude will come in and get this over with. But then Carla says, "I need you to lay down on the table. It's up to you, some men take all of their clothes off, some just their pants, and some just pull their pants down a ways. It's up to you, I'll leave the room, you can cover up with the sheet, and then I'll be back and we'll get started." I say, "WHAT? Who's doing this deal?" Carla says, "I am the tech, don't worry about it, it's painless." I refrain from saying, "yes, I know it's painless, in fact, I usually like to have some gal rubbing my nuts."

So Carla leaves and I sit there pondering my three options. I wonder for a bit why there ain't option 4, "just pull one of your balls through your zipper and we'll get some pictures", but there ain't. I opt for just taking my pants off, because laying there with my pants around my ankles seems dangerous if I decide I need to get out of there in a hurry.

So here comes Carla, and I'm laying there like a goof with a sheet over me....wondering just how this is supposed to work.....and then Carla gets a tube of jelly and starts rubbing it in her hands. She pulls the sheet down and begins to rub the jelly on my balls. In a near panic, I realize that I better think of something I hate, and fast. For the life of me, the only thing that comes to my head is califlower....I hate that crap!!! I don't know how anyone eats it. Carla is rubbing my nuts and I'm like an Arab chanting at the wailing wall.....califlower, califlower, califlower.....she's talking to me, but I got my hand over my eyes....califlower, califlower,califlower......she grabs a towel an puts it over my johnson, touching it a bit as she does....CALIFLOWER, CALIFLOWER, CALIFLOWER....this is gonna get ugly embarrasing.

Next thing I know, she says, "this may tickle a bit."

"WHOA......HOLD ON A MINUTE".

She ignores me and starts to run that damn vibrating ultrasonic pecker hardener on my balls.....OH DAMN, CALIFLOWER!!!!!!

I'm still hiding my eyes and now I'm trying not to laugh, and the chant must be comingout of me because Carla says, "what?".....I have no idea what to say, so I blurt out, "you like califlower?" She says, "not really, what brought that up?" I can't talk.......and then she says, "your right testical is a bit larger then your left testical"......how the hell do you respond to something like that when the person who says it is a gal with a vibrator in her hand? "uh, thanks." She laughs.....califlower, califlower, califlower....and I've about got tears in my eyes trying to figure out when this deal will end.

But no......more jelly, and on up toward the top of my balls.....I now envision entire fields of califlower, and people with califlower heads, and God help me, I can feel it coming. I says, "Uh"....and Carla says....I swear to God this mofo says, "don't worry if you get a bit aroused, it means all the parts are working."

You think???

I'm pretty sure at some point I just passed out......and when I woke up Carla was telling me I was clear.....no cancer......and I was thinking like my dad did 40 years ago, hell, I'd of just took the cancer if I'd have known where this whole deal was going.

The lesson?

There ain't one.....I lied....there is no lesson, just life.

Still....it could happen to you.

Stats

Australian, Canadian, UK and US men between 55 and 75 will average having sex two to three times per week.

Japanese men, in the same age group, have sex only two or three times per year. 

Many of my friends find this very disturbing news because they had no idea they were Japanese.

Chinese medicine

While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US, we know very little about it.”
The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”
The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”
The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!”
The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only option.”
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.”
The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!”
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. “Stupid American doctor, always want operate.  Make more money that way. No need amputate!”
“Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.
“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. “Wait two weeks. It will fall off by itself!"                                                                 

Abstract Noun

How to tell if she likes you.

The Eternal Optimist

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist.

At every bad situation he would always say "It could have been worse."

His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible, that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his friends

showed up for a golf date. Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?'' And one of his friends said, 'Did not you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both,

and then turned the gun on himself.' Joe says, ‘Well it could have been worse.' Both his friends said, "How in hell could it have been worse? Your best friend just killed himself!'

Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I would be dead now!''

Two brothers

Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbours, and led an exemplary life.

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities.


One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy after life. One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven."

God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."

"I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and wish I could see him again."
"You can see him if you wish", God said "I will give you power to gaze into hell."

So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell.

Before long he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of beer, and in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.

The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing. I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell cannot be that bad."

God explained. "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it. The blonde doesn't."

The Rock meme jokes

Another classic

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions. The husband turned to his wife and said, Honey, thats a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

 She said: Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.

Car analogy

The daughter asks her father, "Dad, there’s something that my boyfriend said to me that I didn't understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely air bags and a fantastic bumper."

Her Dad replied, "You tell your boyfriend that, if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his lug nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe."

Shortest Prostate Exam ever

During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, “Where should I put my pants ?"
“Over there by mine,” was not the answer I was expecting.

Bad day in a plane

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!"

The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!".

He began his series of questions: 

Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?" 

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me." 

Tower: "Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?" 

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me." 

Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you're flying upside down?" 

Aircraft: The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar!

Joint doctor visit

A Husband and his Wife went to the Doctor.

The Doctor took the Husband in first.

The Husband was a bit embarrassed and told the Doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his Wife and she was getting frustrated.

He checked his Blood Pressure and other things, and finally told him he would see his Wife now.

He took her to another cubicle and told her to completely disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.

She did as instructed.

He then told her to turn all the way around in the other direction. Then he said - Ok you can get dressed now, I will talk to your Husband.

Then the Doctor went into the other office and told the Husband - You can relax.

There is nothing wrong with you; I couldn't get an erection either!

The sneeze

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane..
 
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
 
The man went back to his reading.
 
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more.
 
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
 
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently.  Are you OK?"
 
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
 
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious.  "I have never heard of that condition before" he said.  "Are you taking anything for it?"
 
The woman nodded,  "Pepper."

WHY I'm Divorced: A woman’s perspective

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

 

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',  and possibly have a small present for me.

 

As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

 

I thought....well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... they will remember.

 

My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.  So when I left for the office I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

 

As I walked into my office, my handsome boss Rick, said, 'Good morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

 

I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.'

 

I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'

 

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.  He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.  We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

 

On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know,  It's such a beautiful day...we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'

 

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'

 

He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'

 

After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, 'If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'

 

'Ok.' I nervously replied.

 

He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

 

And I just sat there....

on the couch....

....naked.

The honeymoon

The Great Lao-Tzu said:

"It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence."

Meeting the Pope

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.

"This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.”

Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry-on bag and began penciling in the answers.

"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords. It crossed his mind that if the Pope got stuck, He’d ask me for assistance."

Almost as if providence struck, the Pope turned to the man and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'unt'? The three Cardinals behind, in front of and beside him shrunk down in their seats, as far as possible, all looking for something on the floor.

The man was in morbid shock. He couldn’t breathe. He went within himself, thought deeper, longer for a plausible answer and after almost a minute, the dark clouds of evil parted in his mind and the sun shone in!

Turning to the Pope, the gentleman said, with reverence and politeness, "I believe, Your Greatness, that you're looking for the word, 'aunt'…"

"Of course," the Pope mused, not taking his gaze off the cross-word, "You wouldn’t have an eraser, would you?…"

The Speech Therapist

 A very pretty young speech therapist was getting absolutely nowhere with her Stammerer's Action Group.

She had tried every technique in the book, but still they stammered and stuttered.

Finally, totally exasperated, she said; "If any of you can tell me where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water."

The Englishman immediately piped up; "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said.

"That's no use, Trevor" said the speech therapist, "Who's next?"

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out; "G-g-g-g-g-g-g-lasgow".

"That's no better either, Hamish. "

"Now, how about you, Paddy? "

The Irishman took a deep breath, counted to 5 and eventually blurted out; "London ".

"Brilliant, Paddy! " said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.

After 10 minutes of steamy sex, Paddy said; .........
......"d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry."

Sexual harassment in the workplace

Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy.

The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

"It's Frank.....the midget."

Stolen weapon found during search at Tennessee jail

APRIL 22--A 19-year-old Tennessee woman had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina when she was brought into jail yesterday afternoon following a collar for driving with a suspended license, police report.

As Dallas Archer was being booked into the Kingsport jail, a female corrections officer alerted to an “unknown object” in the teenager’s crotch during a search.
 
The jailer and a female cop then accompanied Archer to a bathroom for further examination, a review that led to the recovery of a “North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina, ”according to a Kingsport Police Department report.
 
A subsequent check revealed that the five-shot mini-revolver--which is four inches in length--had been “stolen from an auto burglary in 2013.” The handgun, which police valued at $250, is owned by John Souther, a 70-year-old retired car salesman.
 
In a TSG interview, Souther said that the gun was taken from his 1994 Mustang, which was “ransacked” last year while parked in his Kingsport carport. Souther said that police told him that the revolver had been recovered, but offered no further details. When told where the gun had been stashed, Souther said, “Oh, gosh.” He noted that he would eventually like “the little fellow” returned, but added that the weapon would require “a bath in bleach.”

News of the weapon in Archer’s vagina was first reported by the Kingsport Times-News.
 
Archer, seen in the above mug shot, was charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a penal facility.
 
According to a jail official, Archer was released from custody after posting $6000 bond.
 
AND NOW THE READER RESPONSES
 
1. ​I thought it was her gun. Turns out it was snatched!
2. Gives new meaning to a gun having a "hair trigger".
3. Happiness is a warm gun?
4. At four inches in length it comes off as half cocked...
5. "For sale AA22LR never used; still in the box."
6. Report reads, "...Introducing contraband into a penal facility." Shouldn't that be 'penile' facility?
7. If it went off, could you call it her 'boom box'?
8. Remember : Every vagina is to be treated as if it is loaded. Always keep it pointed in a safe direction.
9. They say it was a gun, but something smells fishy.
10.You can have my gun when you can pry it from my cold, stinking...
11. Oh my... accident waiting to happen. Could 'shoot the beaver'.
12.I have heard of shooting your mouth off, but this takes on a "hole" new meaning...
13.Complete reversal on the classic, "Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
14.I wonder if she had 'gun-areah'?
15.Gives a whole new meaning to "Vaginal Discharge"...
16.Do you suppose she had a 'rectal reloader'?
17.A gun in hand is worth 2 in the bush?
18.Figures... it uses 'rim shot' ammo.
19. This supports the “Big Bang” theory.

The first day of school in Birmingham UK.

The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:
"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here."
"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here."
"Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here."
"Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here."
"Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here."
"Ali Son al Len” Silence in the classroom.
"Ali Son al Len" Continued silence as everyone looked around the room.
She repeated, "Is this the name of any child here?"
A girl stood and said, "I think that's me, Miss. It's pronounced Alison Allen"

Up or down?

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that........ they both loved to fish.

Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and....... started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, 'Do you want to go up or down?'

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man ......right there in the boat!

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.

He again asked the lady , 'Up or down?'

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down?'

The woman replied, 'Down.' A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down
the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady 'Up or down?'

She replied, 'Up.'

This really confused the gentleman so he asked, 'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me.

Now today, nothing!'

She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fuck or drown...