WHY I'm Divorced: A woman’s perspective

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

 

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',  and possibly have a small present for me.

 

As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

 

I thought....well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... they will remember.

 

My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.  So when I left for the office I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

 

As I walked into my office, my handsome boss Rick, said, 'Good morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

 

I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.'

 

I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'

 

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.  He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.  We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

 

On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know,  It's such a beautiful day...we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'

 

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'

 

He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'

 

After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, 'If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'

 

'Ok.' I nervously replied.

 

He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

 

And I just sat there....

on the couch....

....naked.

The honeymoon

The Great Lao-Tzu said:

"It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence."

Meeting the Pope

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.

"This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.”

Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry-on bag and began penciling in the answers.

"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords. It crossed his mind that if the Pope got stuck, He’d ask me for assistance."

Almost as if providence struck, the Pope turned to the man and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'unt'? The three Cardinals behind, in front of and beside him shrunk down in their seats, as far as possible, all looking for something on the floor.

The man was in morbid shock. He couldn’t breathe. He went within himself, thought deeper, longer for a plausible answer and after almost a minute, the dark clouds of evil parted in his mind and the sun shone in!

Turning to the Pope, the gentleman said, with reverence and politeness, "I believe, Your Greatness, that you're looking for the word, 'aunt'…"

"Of course," the Pope mused, not taking his gaze off the cross-word, "You wouldn’t have an eraser, would you?…"