Canadian joke

A female Mountie pulled over a drunk Newfie fisherman driving home down a back road.

She said, ''You're under arrest. Anything you say, can and will be held against you.''


''Tits!'' replied the Newfie.

Today's classic.

5,000 MEN WERE SURVEYED AS TO WHY THEY LIKE TO RECEIVE ORAL SEX....

 

   1%  LIKED THE WARMTH.

   2%  LIKED THE SENSATION.

 

   3%   LIKED THE EROTICISM.

 

94% JUST   LIKED THE PEACE & QUIET.

Halloween story answers age old question

Went out last night for Halloween dressed as a chicken

Met a girl dressed as an egg. 

                 

A lifelong question was answered. 

                 

It was the chicken.

Pragmatic waitress

The Rock shocked

Two woodpeckers

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees.

 

The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the
tree with no problem.

 

The Mexican woodpecker was amazed. The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers).

The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking
a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was
able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to
peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

Upsetting news

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

Query

What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their noses?

Job application

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

Creative bathroom signs