A winter holiday classic

I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you. It was sent to me and it's very well written and I hope that you enjoy it too

Shit It's Cold!

The End

Dear Santa,

Please send me a baby brother.

Santa wrote back:

'Send me your mother...'

Ladies and gentlemen - the new Bruce Lee

Who couldn't use one?

Handbag help

Checking in

As I was checking into a hotel recently, I said to the female front desk clerk: "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

"No," she said, "it's regular porn, you sick bastard."

Your Christmas present

My dear friends,
Somewhat embarrassing to admit, I'm not getting an annual bonus and Christmas is tight this year. I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:
You need four maxi pads to make a pair. Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part. The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top. Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.

Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:

* Soft and Hygienic

* Non-slip grip strips on the soles

* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh

* No more bending over to mop up spills

* Disposable and biodegradable

* Environmentally safe

* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself....

Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you.

How Men can Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend2. a companion3. a lover4. a brother5. a father 6. a master7. a chef8. an electrician9. a carpenter10. a plumber11. a mechanic12. a decorator13. a stylist14. a sexologist15. a gynecologist16. a psychologist17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist19. a healer20. a good listener21. an organizer22. a good father23. very clean24. sympathetic25. athletic26. warm27. attentive28. gallant29. intelligent30. funny31. creative32. tender33. strong34. understanding35. tolerant36. prudent37. ambitious38. capable39. courageous40. Determined! 41. true42. dependable43. passionate 44. compassionate
W ITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly46. love shopping47. be honest48. be very rich49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VER Y IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:* birthdays* anniversaries * arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked 2. Bring Alcohol