Pricey dinner

A while back, I picked up a lovely woman at her parent's home for a date.

I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu.

Shrimp cocktail. Lobster Patron. Champagne.

I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?"

"No," she replied, "but my mother's not expecting a blow job tonight."

I said, "Would you care for dessert?"

It's horses....horses.

List

Is Romance Dead?

A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones.

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend. 

She texted:

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.

The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back: 

 

I'm on the toilet. Please advise. 

 

Kinda brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it??

Confucius say...

Confucius Say: It's OK to let a fool kiss you but don't let a kiss fool you.

Confucius Say: A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.

Confucius Say: It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.

Confucius Say: A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

Confucius Say: Marriage is like a bank account.

You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest.

Confucius Say: Viagra is like Disneyland...A one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.

Confucius Say: It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want.

Confucius Say: A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get it.