Like the sun

Double Standard

When a girl gets a vibrator, it's viewed as a bit of naughty fun. BUT when a guy orders a 240-Volt Sunbeam Fuck Master Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6-speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, with huge breasts with pink nipples; he's called a pervert!

Remembrances

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Not just vulgar, but offensive too

* I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.  I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

* The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did.  She's 25, and her name's Kathy.

* Went to our local bar with my wife last night.  Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50.  It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

* A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead".  The operator says, "How do you know?"  The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

* My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

* The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan .  I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

* I was approached by a lady who asked me to buy a raffle ticket for an African orphan.  I said hell no, with my luck I’d win one!

Password security

Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one.
Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?
 No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one.
Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty good?
 Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 30 days.

Can I use the old one and just re-register it?
 No, you must get a new one.
I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember.
 Sorry, you must get a new one.
OK, roses
 Sorry you must use more letters.

OK, pretty roses
 No good, you must use at least one numerical space.

OK, 1 pretty rose
 Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces.

OK, 1prettyrose
 Sorry, you must use additional spaces.

OK, 1fuckingprettyrose
 Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter.

OK, 1FUCKINGprettyrose
 Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.

OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose
 Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters.

OK,  1FUCKINGprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow
 Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used.

Chortle

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