Deep thinkers

What deep thinkers men are... I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.

Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer.

Building Permit

I applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system that was going to entertain the whole neighborhood. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it bog green with pink trim.


The City Council told me; “Forget it...IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!”


So, I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a 'Mosque'.


Work starts on Monday. I love this country. It’s the government that scares the crap out of me.

Irish Cop

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is much smarter than any cop because he is a lawyer from London, and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the cop's expense! 

Irish cop says, "License and registration, please." London Lawyer says, "What for?" Irish cop says, "Ye didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Irish cop says, "Ye still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please, sir." London Lawyer says, "What's the bloody difference?" Irish cop says, "The difference is, the sign says stop, not slow down, so, ye havte come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Irish cop says, "Sounds fair enough, please exit your vehicle, sir." The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, "Now, ye English arsehole, do ye want me to stop, completely, or just fookin slow down?

Similarities

WHEN YOU ARE DEAD, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YOU ARE DEAD - ONLY THE PEOPLE LOOKING AT YOU KNOW.

IT IS THE SAME WHEN YOU ARE STUPID.